Hold the Mascot

This week, McDonald's rolled out it's newest corporate mascot, an anthropomorphic Happy Meal box  who is imaginatively named "Happy."   Happy was immediately met by one of the biggest corporate backlashes I have seen since New Coke, the blowing up of Jack in the Box's boxes and the near-retirement of Bob's Big Boy.   For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of being introduced to Happy, here is a picture of your favorite fast-food container.

Hi!  I'm Happy!  I will haunt your dreams!

Immediately the seven dwarfs disavowed any knowledge of Happy's existence.

Happy brings to mind one of my favorite adages:  Computer generated characters are often not the most appealing things in the world.  There have been many CG-created characters that are downright ugly...  The Polar Express comes immediately to mind.   But who thought that this character would be appealing to the hamburger-eating populace?   In my opinion, he's scary...  an opinion shared by the vast majority of McDonald's twitter followers, who have responded to the McDonald's announcement in a huge, vitriolic no-confidence vote.   I direct you to the twitter feed (Caution:   Naughty words ahead):  https://twitter.com/McDonalds/status/468466673784455169/photo/1

McDonald's has a pretty good track record in creating memorable mascots, from Mayor McCheese to Grimace.   However, Happy isn't the only creepy character they have foisted on the fast-food loyalists.   Remember the creepy 'Mac Tonight" moon that came out in the 1980's?  A lounge singer with a giant crescent moon for a head, he sang a version of Mac the Knife inviting you to enjoy "Mac Tonight."  Despite the commercial's success, I know I was not alone in being freaked out by Mac Tonight.   Good Night, Moon.

Mcdonald's Mac Tonight character borders on lunarcy. 

Of course, Mcdonald's is not alone in creating creepy mascots.   One of the worst was the Burger King circa 2008.   Burger King has had a bad time with mascots, ranging from Kurber Bing to the Marvelous Magical Burger King.  In the early 2000's they rolled out my vote for the creepiest one ever, the ever silent, ever smiling Burger King.   He shows up, silent and with a giant king mask over his face, offering people burger king sandwiches.   And amazingly, they eat it.  Each commercial seems like a set up to a horror movie, and ends similarly (depending on your opinion of Burger King sandwiches).  Here's an example, watch it in a well-lit room:



Jack-in-the-Box has a pretty nice mascot now...   but back in the 1970's they tried to create a cast of characters similar to the McDonaldsland characters.   Somewhere in my attic I think I still have these figurines....

 To refresh your memories, that's Jack, the Onion Ring Thing, Secret Sauce Agent, the Der Hamburger Meister, and the Fry Kid      The Fry Kid was the one you want to keep an eye on.  He always had that somewhat comatose look on his face, like he is in the midst of a drug hallucination...  which would explain the presence of the Onion Ring Thing.  My favorite was the secret sauce guy, who kept the secret of the secret sauce they put on their burgers.   Later I found out it was thousand island dressing.   Another childhood dream shattered.

Hey, if you were opening a restaurant and wanted to have a mascot, what would be the one animal you would NOT want as a spokesman?  If you said "rat", well, you'd be right.   You also would be the type that has never walked into a Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theater.  For some reason, marketing geniuses at this place decided that "rat" was the symbol of great pizza, and thus began Chuck E.'s reign over some of the worst pizza I have ever eaten.   Now to be fair, I haven't had the Pizza Time Players sing me a jingle in over 20 years, so there's a chance the pizza has improved.   But the mascot has not.   In fact, they recently gave Chuck E. a makeover to make him look more...   rat-like.  Chuck E. Cheese still rates with me a one of the worst fast-food mascots ever.

I never saw the Quizno's Spongemonkeys until I started researching this article.  I can't decide if I like them or hate them.   I'll let you decide...



While searching the Internet for mascots I came across Taco Man for Taco Bell.  He makes the Yo Quiero chihuahua look sophisticated in comparison.

What the heck is he wearing??  And why the human hands???

Lastly, I come to the worst mascot of all....   and it's a pet peeve of mine.   Why do Barbecue places always have to have pictures of animals cooking their brethren over an open fire?  This seems so cannibalistic to me.   It's a horror movie come to life...   and i am ashamed to say that it looks delicious.   Famous Dave's is probably the most famous example, but below are several other examples...  

At least the Chick-Fil-A cows try to get you to eat some other animals.

The Plumber

The Electric Company was a PBS show from the 70's that was sort of a Sesame Street for those who had graduated beyond numbers and letters.   They used sketch comedy and cartoons to hold your interest...   and some of it still holds up pretty good today.   Here's a favorite animated bit that used to crack up my sister and I every time we watched it.   I still use the parrot's line from time to time...

Food I Liked that is Gone Forever, part 1

I like food.   Who doesn't?   It's usually delicious, it comes cheap, and your stomach thanks you every time you send some down.   However, I have a problem - the foods I like are never around very long.   I must have the worst taste in food (as many of you will vouch for), because foods I like have a habit of disappearing from the market, never to be seen again.  I've seen it time and time again - breakfast cereals, beverages, fast-food sandwiches - If I like them, that's a sure sign that they are destined to oblivion.   My friends beg me not to try anything they like, in the fear that I will assign it the Kiss of Death by liking it.   In this new series, I'll write about some favorites of mine that have gone down the garbage disposal of history.

Summertime always brings back memories of my favorite candy bar of all time, the Milkshake Bar.   This bar came the closest to tasting like an actual milkshake, with actual malt flavor in the bar.   The Milkshake bar was first introduced in 1927 by the Hollywood Candy Company, founded in Hollywood, Minnesota.   The Hollywood Candy Company used real cocoa, butter and eggs in their chocolate, and was still able to sell their bars for cheaper than their competitors.   They also developed a synthetic coating for their candy bars that kept them from melting...  but also gave them an unusual taste and texture that made them unique.  They created a process to produce a fluffy nougat center for their candy bars, and the Milkshake bar was the first candy to utilize this process.   The Milkshake bar was a big hit and became very popular.   So popular, in fact, that other companies copied the recipe, most notable the Mars company and their Milky Way bar. 



Original milkshake candy wrapper from the 1930's. 

I'm guessing this wrapper is from the late 50's and the 1960's.   I remember buying this version.

In the 1960's the Milkshake bars became a very popular summer treat, and this is how I was introduced to them.   Many snack stands would keep their Milkshake bars frozen with the ice cream novelties.   Eating one was like eating a milkshake on a stick.  It would be to hard to bite at first, but eventually you'd wear it down and enjoy a creamy, chocolaty dessert that haunts me to this day.   I think most Milkshake bars sold in June, July and August were consumed this way. 

Late 1960's version of the Milkshake bar.

In the 1960's the Hollywood Candy Company was sold, and went through a series of owners before being bought by the Hershey Company in 1996.   Hershey still produces Hollywood's two most popular bars, Payday and Zero, but has resigned the Milkshake bar to oblivion.  Fans still bemoan the loss of the Milkshake bar, and several websites have sprung up (and Facebook pages HERE and  HERE) to honor the candy and fight for its return.  Even if Hershey would bring it back, it would never be the same.  That synthetic coating really added something that can't be duplicated.

The last version of the Milkshake bar from the 1970's or 1980's.  Leaf was manufacturing them at this point.  

Milky Way bars are as close as we will ever get to the old Milkshake bar, and trust me, it's not that close.

Another candy favorite were Fizzers.   These looked similar to Smarties candies (probably the worst candy ever) but that's where the similarity ended.  Fizzers "fizzed" in you mouth with a tart, tangy taste that put Smarties to shame.  I used to get both candies in my trick-or-treat bag at Halloween, and while the Smarties were snubbed the Fizzers were hoarded.  

 

Fizzer's haven't completely left us; they are just hard to get.   The original Fizzers were manufactured in Britain by Swizzels Matlow.  One family member came to America in the 1940's and founded Cee Dee candy, which manufactured both Smarties and Fizzers for several years.   Eventually, for some reason that can only be described as "blatant stupidity" they stopped manufacturing Fizzers and continued making those insipid Smarties. 

Swizzels Matlow still manufactures Fizzers in Great Britian.   However, shipping costs are prohibitive...   It would cost me $50 to get a shipment here.   I may be nostalgic, but I'm also cheap.  So, if anyone is going to Great Britain soon...   Can you help a friend out?   I'd be grateful...

For more discontinued candy, check out this checklist HERE.   You may cry...

Westaurant Weview: Steak Corral

EDITOR'S NOTE:   I aplogize in advance for the title of this post.   I also apologize for this post.   Heck, I apologize for this whole darn blog, and would apologize for the internet as well if I had created it (Scientific Fact:  Al Gore created it).

I love a good "themed" restaurant.   Nowdays, themed restaurants seem to be found only in theme parks or entertainment complexes, but back in the 50's and 60's they flourished.   Places like Farrell's, Don the Beachcomber's or Clifton's Cafeteria's took us on a culinary journey away from the humdrum and made dining an exciting adventure at a reasonable price.   Very few of these original restaurants exist today (although Farrell's is in the midst of a comeback).

One of my favorites was a place call "Steak Corral" that existed in West Covina for several years.  The chain started in 1961 and operated restaurants throughout Southern California.   The theme was the old west, and the accouterments all were themed to a old John Wayne movie.  The West Covina branch was opened in 1970 and was one of the last remaining restaurants in the chain for quite some time.  The restaurant was shaped like a large octagon.   Inside the octagon was a series of chuckwagons placed in a circle around the cooking area.  You would order your steak at the first wagon, then follow the chuckwagon line to choose your salads, sides and drinks.  I enjoyed several visits to this steakhouse for years, until one day I read the article I had been expecting, yet dreading for some time:   Steak Corral was closed.   Norm's had bought the site and would remodel it into a Norm's.  I was crushed.   Never again would I saddle up to the chuckwagon for a hunk of meat and a slice o' pie.

However, just like in a Zane Gray novel, old cowboy restaurants never truly die.  One day recently I was combing the internet looking for old pictures of Steak Corral, and I came across an address for a Steak Corral in Whittier.   Well, I nearly fell out of my chair.   There was ANOTHER Steak Corral still in existence?   I saddled up the Honda and before you could say "medium rare" I was on Washington Blvd.  Soon, the aging yet beaming Steak Corral sign came into view.

Now, if you look at the logo above carefully, Steak Corral is not a restaurant, but a Westaurant.  That's right, it calls itself a Westaurant to subtly drive home the fact that it's a Western-themed restaurant.   Other subtleties include calling the restrooms, "Westrooms"   Is that class, or what?  The best I can do is follow suite.  So....

 

 Steak Cowwal's theming begins the minute you dwive into the parking lot and walk to the fwont door.   Outside, desert succuwants and cactus gwow, next to a large statue of The Steak Cowwal Kid.   He's like a western version of Bob's Big Boy, except he ends up at far less college fwaternities.

Inside, the walls are adorned with assorted western pawaphanalia.  Hanging fwom the ceiling is their simple yet tantawizing menu:

You order your steak, then just like in the Covina westaurant, you walk along the chuckwagon to make your own sawad from the sawad bar, choose your dwink, and decide on a dessert.  They then give you a western nameplate and you wetreat to a table.   The meal is bwought to your table.

The Chuckwagons

The Salad Bar

The meal itself is gweat for the pwice.   Where else can you get a good steak with all the fixin's for under $15?  The steak is a nice, hearty chunk, well-gwilled to your specifications.  They have a gweat baked potato bar where you can doctor up your potato any way you'd wike.   It also features fixin's for your steak, such as onions, peppers and welish.   The cheese bwead is also tasty.  My dining partner bought sevewal pieces to eat at home. 

Best of all, the kid's meal contains a cowboy boot sundae, served inside a boot.   But even better than that:  Ask your waitwess for an Indian headwess.  They'll give you an authentic Indian headband and feather to wear while you eat, which of course I did thwough the entire meal.   And in the parking lot.   And all the way home.

The Westaurant was a twue step back in time, and a gweat place to sit down and enjoy a delicious steak at a weasonable pwice.   I heartly recommend a visit!

EDITOR'S NOTE:  If I ever lose my job, it's nice to know I can get a job writing for Elmer Fudd.   Although I don't recommend it.

More Odd Comic Book Covers

I had a couple of people mention that they liked the "Odd Comic Book Covers" that I posted last month, so I thought I'd post a few more.  Grab your dimes and follow me to the newsstand...

In the last installment I showed a few covers of Batman and Superman basically abusing poor Robin.   Well, now you can see why - the kid's a bit of a show-off.   Dick Grayson was a circus acrobat before he became Robin, so I guess he can't help reverting to a few of his old tricks.  I love the fact that all three of them go surfing in full costume...   Where are the Bat-Trunks?

The Three Amigos continue their day at the beach, with Robin again showing off in front of the two DC superstars.  No wonder Batman finally dumped Robin in the 1980's.

Now that is one bad case of bad breath.   Someone get the Baby Giant a giant bottle of Scope.  at Least, I HOPE that is his breath...

I'm shocked that some artist had the nerve to sign this cover.   Stick figures with photo heads?   I assume this guy got paid by the cover. 

Didn't the Weather Girls do a cover on this cover?

For special added birthday fun - try and figure out which of the two children is adopted.

It looks like the Range Rider is desperate to hold someone's hand.  Evidently the Range Rider has been out on the range alone for a long time. 

I suppose super heroes have to do housecleaning every now and then, but why do they always do these kind of things in full costume?   What use is a secret identity if you never use it?   What do the neighbors think?

I assume this is the last issue.   I've always wondered what kind of food cartoon character animals eat...   now I know.   I guess any non-vegan restaurant would be a cannibalistic experience.

Super Bowl time!

Yes, it's that time of year again...  time for everyone to make their favorite high-caloric snacks, sit in front of their TV for hours, and watch that great American pastime, the Super Bowl commercials.  In between these salutes to commercialism, Denver and Seattle will be pitted against each other in a game that is sure to bring my level of apathy to new heights.  Personally, I am pretty jealous of the snack vendors in Denver this year.  Now that a certain illegal substance is legal in those parts, I can imagine that snacks sales will go off the charts during the game.   I wish I had the Doritos franchise in Jefferson County.

I assume that there are some of you out there who, like me, have only a passing interest (there's a pun there if you're not too particular) in football.  For those people I am posting this instructional video on how to play the grand old sport.   Made in 1944, it's one of the quintessential tomes on the sport.... as well as being one of the greatest Goofy cartoons ever made.   Enjoy!

Odd Comic Book Covers

In case I've never mentioned it before, I'm a big comic book collector.  Many a day has found me searching through EBAY, looking for that one last issue of whatever comic book I'm trying to find.  Every now and then, however, I come across an issue of something that makes me go, "Huh?"   Here are a few I came across recently...

Evidently, in the 1940's there was no worries of child protective services coming to take your ward away from you, so Batman (and Superman) felt justified in treating eight-year-old Dick Grayson in any manner they pleased.   However, this seems a bit cruel.   Maybe he's being punished for posting secret identities on the Web?  I'm surprised the girl on the bicycle nearby is so impressed.  Obviously not a fan of children.

I've always felt sorry for the cats in the Mighty Mouse cartoons.  It's nice to see them get some revenge on Super Raton on Halloween, 1955.  Even Heckle and Jeckle join in...  And if Dick Grayson was around, he'd probably join them as well.

If you're a Super Villain looking for an identity, this may be the clue you need!   Don't be the Penguin...   or Catwoman...  Be The Skunk!   It's just the thing to strike fear into the hearts if Supermen!   On a side note, what exactly is Robin wearing?   They look like green chainmail underwear.  How comfortable can THAT be?   Now I really feel bad about those two making him pedal that bicycle.

I guess Kryptonite isn't Superman's only weakness.   Don't tell Lex Luther.  All that money he's spent on death rays, and all he really needed was some flour, butter and shortening.

 

There's something weird about seeing Batman in a skirt.   I would think his knees would be a lot more pale then they seem to be in this picture.  After all, how often do you see Batman's knees?  As a side note, Batman actually has a Scottish connection - Bruce Wayne was named for Robert The Bruce, or King Bruce I of Scotland, who led the war for Scotland's independence. 

Okay, I know this isn't a comic book cover, but I still had to share it.  It's amazing what a little missing punctuation can do to a headline.

 

The less I say about this one, the better.